Turns Out Timing Is Everything

A brilliant coach, turned dear friend, often quips, “A problem only exists in the absence of the right conversation.” I find this to be both profoundly true and profoundly difficult to remember. That is another musing for another morning. But today’s grows out of that truth with my own spin on something I’m also learning: I’m likely to create an unnecessary problem in the absence of the right time for a conversation.

For as long as I can remember I’ve struggled to do this. As my therapist said soon after meeting me in a tone I still can’t quite figure out, “You really feel things deeply…” Deeply is also how I feel about having to get something out, right then and there, if it’s on my mind.

But alas, I am finally learning (and relenting) that the timing is often as important-if not more- than the content. My husband and I have even started changing our after-work habits of catching up. Two entrepreneurs and four kids ages 18 to two, there is never a shortage of stressful or high-need things to ruminate over. But by the time dinner time rolls around and the most obvious time to catch up seemingly presents itself, we’re not in a place to make meaningful progress on big life topics nor really have the energy to give what the other needs. So we’ve kind of retired the notion of, “how was your day?” and instead work to schedule the right times so we end up having the right conversation. It’s effectiveness has been pretty amazing to me and now I’m looking for other areas where my timing needs to be tamed.

Maybe Carl Jung was right. “Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you’re just doing research.”